Manage Talent/ Career or Handle Home Politics?

Years ago, I happened to read the former Editor of Femina, Ms.Vimla Patil's famous quips- As a career woman she was any time a success handling office problems. But when it came to home politics, she was a total failure.

Today after many years, I couldn't agree with her better.The words comes to my mind, morning & evening. I am not ashamed to say that when it comes to home politics, I am a total failure in every way.

In fact, all my life I have been a victim of taunts & nasty remarks. And  instead of  replying back aptly, I have ended up tongue-tied for lack of words- much to the consternation of my husband and children. First of all, handling 3 languages- English, Hindi & Marathi at the same time is difficult any time. But my son is forever unforgiving. Often, he likens me to Karna of Mahabharat who forgot his knowledge just when he needed it most. Of course, Karna was a great man. And that has made me feel miserable all the more.

But recently I discovered that women who succeed in giving back, do nothing but spend their precious time preparing themselves for war of words. And, that's sure a waste of time.

Imagine, a fortnight ago I learned that a distant relative of mine was actually a Sangeet Visharad (Degree/ Diploma Holder in Hindustani Music) who sacrificed her talent in a bid to counter malicious remarks. Gosh, what a huge price to pay for a bunch of silly women!

No, I would never do it. Not for any price in the world. I mean, does it really matter if a few frustrated & disgruntled women enjoy some good moments at my cost? For all their victory, they are barely even noticed by the world!

Really, I think I should remember this, the next time I become a target of ridicule. I'll just have to take it sportingly & get on with my work.

Good Parenting, First. Law and Order will follow.

Too many things have happened in the last one month!

• A 12 yr old girl raped by her own first cousin and his friends for 2 years in Mumbai. Her fault (if, any) was that her parents had divorced and remarried.

• An MBA girl from Nagpur raped in Pune.

• And just when my mind was beginning to come out of that strange numbness, there was the Maoists attack in Dantewada, Chattisgarh in which several jawans were killed.

• Today also the local Indore newspaper carried the news of suicide of a 10th class girl. The girl who resided in our area, was upset about not doing well in one of the papers.

• And then of course, reports of drunken driving resulting in accident and death.

Let's call it enough! The best would be to start giving time to our children soon after they are born. Apart from feeding them well and looking after their physical growth, let's start telling them good stories. And when they begin to read, let's give them small simple books containing stories of heroism, honesty and brother-sister relationship.

I know it is easier said than done. There is a lot of pressure on women to work. Further, all her life, she has to prove herself a good daughter-in-law, good wife, good neighbour, good socialite, etc. etc. But maybe, the time has come to chalk out our own priorities. The rest will definitely fall in place. I think, we mothers need to get tough there. And why mothers alone! Fathers should also understand their responsibilities.

I think my generation has proved to be a total failure there!

Women. Power. And Women's Bill.

Women's Bill! Every time the topic comes up, I am reminded of what a male candidate had once written in the entrance exam to Mass Communication Course," If people had wanted, the Bill would have passed long ago. The fact is nobody wants it." This was said about 5-6 years ago! And you bet, I gave him marks lavishly and made sure that he got selected. For he made a statement that would prove true for all times to come.

And imagine this controversial Bill finally got passed in the Rajya Sabha! The happy and jubilant faces of Sonia Gandhi, Sushma Swaraj and others was a sight to behold. I felt happy too even if slightly unsure. Frankly if we have to go by words, we must indeed have 33% reservation for women judging from the fact that 50% of India's population is women. And rightly so, Arun Jaitley's remark that at the moment we only have 10% women representation in the parliament certainly makes us agree. But the catch lies there. What kind of Women Representation do we want? Will these new entries be as dignified, intelligent, honest, sincere and committed as Sonia Gandhi, Renuka Choudhary, Sushma Swaraj, Brinda Karat or say Shabana Azmi? Or are we going to end up having women leaders like Mayawati? Have our great leaders thought of the consequences? I know I have asked too many questions. But then I was not born yesterday. I have seen women creating homes and have also seen women breaking homes. That brings us to the fact, that India is a Home for we Indians. Naturally, we have have to think of what kind of daughter-in-law we want.

I am staying in Indore for the last 12-13 years. Indore is in Madhya Pradesh-a state that's quite backward as compared to Kerala, Maharashtra, Delhi, etc. I am also reminded of an interesting incident where one our peons in the university was happy that his mother had won the Village Panchayat Elections. This meant that power would eventually come to the male members of the family. I had been left speechless then just as I have been left speechless now! For it certainly means out of the frying pan into the fire!

Mind you, Power is intoxicating. And power in the wrong hands could spell doom. Instead, let's start slowly. Let's make literacy compulsory up to 12th standard in villages particularly. And also make sure that the contestant's form is filled by the woman herself.

India needs women leaders like Kiran Bedi who stopped the vulgar Holi that was being played in Delhi way back in the 70's and 80's. We want women leaders who will do something for the safety of women and work towards the upliftment of the country. I am not amused by numbers. I would any time trust a man like Pranab Mukherji and other such dignified leaders than go in for Mayawati, Rabri Devi and others.

Media! Think before you speak.

I had just returned from work with my husband on Monday, April 13th. Being a housewife I headed straight to the kitchen, whilst my husband put on the TV.

And then it happened. I heard a Hindi channel reporter interviewing a young man. "How much is your income per month?" The young man answered humbly, "Rs.13,o00". The next question that followed was, "Are you staying in your own house or is it your parents?" The poor chap said," My parents". At this, the reporter snapped, "parents' house is not your house!" The haughty tone of the lady reporter was outright hurting. Isn't it the same media which talks today of the benefits of staying in a joint family and blah blah blah?

I guess the survey was about inflation. But, whatever! I recall a conversation with a senior colleague of mine when I was newly married and worked as a teacher in a near by school.And that was about 28 years ago. 'Alka Madam' taught Maths to the senior classes. A gold medalist in college, Alka Madam was genuinely a nice person who would give us advice during the famous lunch sessions. At one such time she told us how angry she had been in one of the previous schools. Having no brother, she explained, she really had no patience with the boys. ( Of course God made sure that she had 2 sons later on!) Anyway, one day as newly married herself, she shouted at some of the boys without really meaning to be cruel, "Don't study! And end up as clerks, for all I care." The principal of the school, happened to pass by. He must have over-heard, for she was summoned to the cabin soon. The Father i.e. the principal was a man in 50's humbled by age and experience. Without making it an issue, he said something which is important for all times to come- " No job is menial. Also, in a society, everyone cannot be an officer. What about the other jobs that have to be done? We become what we are destined to become. But, tomorrow I will not like this boy to feel miserable if he joins as clerk." The lunch ended and Alka Madam left for her class. But those words continued to ring in my mind. Several years have passed. I still remember the tone and words. I am grateful to Alka Madam for guiding us thus.

Today, I wish to give the same piece of advice to the particular lady reporter and also the others in the media. Indeed, everyone cannot be Tata or Birla. But that doesn't mean that those who do not make it to that level have no no right to live or get married. Leave it for the couples or families to face their own lives. One more thing! Rs.13,000 is certainly not less initially. And especially not if he/she belongs to a smaller place

Surveys are always important. They lead us to a lot of things. New topics come up for research etc. etc. But while doing a survey, a certain maturity has to be maintained. A neutral stand has to be observed and guidance has to be there.

Miss India 2009 Contest

April 5, 2009 was a Sunday with a difference. I was at home nursing a fractured leg. That's when I came across"Pantaloon Miss India Contest" on Sony TV. And, when my fingers refused to move any further on the remote I realised that this was what I wanted to watch. Certainly a nice shift from my broken leg, from politicians bribing the people for votes, fathers raping their own daughters, and sons killing their own parents.

The programme seemed interesting. The hosts R. Madhavan and Malaika Arora were at their best. So also Swapnil Joshi and Karan Wahi who were the co-hosts. I and my Physiotherapist-daughter( who had dropped down for the weekend to see me) sat down to watch the grand happening.What's more, my husband joined us , even if, for a short while!

The contestants were from various places such as Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Pune, etc. One contest was from Indore. Unfortunately, she didn't make it to the semi-finals. Lack of command over English I guess! But then, an Indore lass making it to the national level was by no means a small achievement. Better luck next time (as my husband always says)! Surprisingly, there were no contestants from Punjab, Gujarat, and the north east regions this time.

What left me spellbound was the height of the girls! No contestant was less than 5ft 7inch. I was reminded of the time when Kiran Juneja and Swaroop Sampat were Miss India. The average height was 5ft 3inch. Even Juhi Chawla was about the same height.

I was however disappointed by the western style of costumes. Saree or Salwar kameez would have any time looked elegant and beautiful on the Indian beauties. "Oh, come on! They are being groomed for the international event." My husband snapped. But then, that's no explanation. We can't dump our national costume this way. International event preparation can always done later. Midway somewhere, the contestants did drape something that had a semblance to sarees.

The judges were an eminent lot- Former Miss Universe Sushmita Sen, Director Madhur Bhandarkar of Page 3 and Chandni Bar fame, Actor Ajay Devgan, the scintillating new stars -Deepika Padukone and Asin Khan.This apart Nandita Mahatani, Ravi Krishnan and Mickey Broadman were also among the judges.

An actor par excellence, Ajay Devgan should do away with that perpetual bored look. But, I do agree that his question," What issue troubles you most today?' did not get a fair answer from Pooja Chopra-the winner of PFMI World 2009 title. The contestant could have touched the woman issue, especially in the light of recent incidents where fathers have emerged as rapists.

Judge Sushmita Sen Asked the same question that was put to her once-What is the essence of being a woman? The answer was disappointing again. Feminity and gentleness are the essence of womanhood. Something which we women are fast losing today. Sushmita Sen had sure given a good answer there and won every one's hearts. Ekta Chowdhry, PFMI Universe 2009 answered very well to the question, "If you were to meet God, what would you ask him and why?" Ekta answered if we are born equal, why is there demarcation in the name of religion. And why is there so much bloodshed.

There was yet another good question-Given a choice, what would you choose-career or family? The PFMI Earth 2009 winner Shreya Kishore gave an all time bad answer when she said, 'career'! Charity begins at home, my dear!

I think that's what makes Sushmita Sen and Aishwarya Rai stand out . The two women are truly great. But then, should we really have Q-A session in beauty pageants? Were Cleopatra, Shakuntala, etc. judged for their sharpness of minds? I think we are mixing the 2 issues and in the process being unfair to both the class of people-the intelligent and the beautiful.

Me thinks, let the beautiful people look beautiful. Ethics and standards should be left to people like Shashi Thiroor, Bachchi Karkaria and others.

Julie and Fiza

The first time Chand -Fiza case hit the headlines, I found some disturbing similarities between Julie and Fiza. Both the girls are extremely good looking. But, while Julie is a natural beauty, Fiza's looks are cultivated. Though of course, I must admit that she has good features.

But whenever I think of Julie, a strange sadness descends on me. A beautiful girl from Bihar who allowed herself to be ruined by Prof. Matuknath, a man fit enough to be her father! Even otherwise, a teacher-student relationship is supposed to be as sublime as a parent-child relationship? In the case of Fiza, I don't feel sorry. I am only filled with disdain.

I agree that both the girls are responsible for causing terrible hurt to the legal wives, which I wonder if God will ever forgive. Of course, I hear now that Chander Mohan alias Chand Mohammed has gone back to his wife and that the Punjab Police have closed the case.

Really, as somebody much older than Julie and much more educated or literate than Julie, ( Assistant Advocate General for Punjab and Haryana Govt. at that!), Fiza should not have fallen into this trap. But then, it is said that love is deaf, dumb and blind! That explains it all I guess. So, here we have two women who have finally gained nothing but bad name. Julie may not agree still, but will surely accept it someday.

The biggest irony is that the two women have got into a mess because of their strong rhetoric.Normally it is people with poor communication skills who suffer at the hands of the world! And indeed, both Julie and Fiza had come up with strange justification when the matter came into the limelight. I remember, the social workers who were trying to drill sense into Julie's head had finally given up. Fiza being much older, advising her was out of question I suppose.

Anyway, the moral of the story is,"too less talking and too much talking are both harmful and dangerous."

Me. Housewife.... And Sale.

Oh, I love Sale! Imagine getting things at much reduced rates? So typical of a housewife! I am sure will be the reaction of many. But then, it's okay. One needs to be a housewife to understand the feelings I suppose.

Now this particular 'sale' was accidentally discovered by my daughter when she was here with us for a few months. "It's in the hostel that I learnt to survive in meagre budget" she announced, as she took me along to show the place. And, there stood the shop with a medium size banner hanging out, least bothered about being near a police chowki . I discovered that the shop had only recently been started. "Chappan Hazaar Vastuan" i.e. "56 thousand things", it read aloud. The place was well stocked, even if I were to say that the claim was a little exaggerated. Further, I realized that it was actually the shop's permanent U.S.P. Whatever! The shop did have things of my interest. And that was important. Needless to say, I did buy a few odd things that day.

But that's not all. In the last one and half months, while returning from the university, I have headed several times there. One reason being, that the vegetable market is close by. And so, in one trip I accomplish several jobs. This besides, the place has everything from buckets, laundry bags, coated pans, fridge bags, saree covers, mirrors to mats, pillow covers, scrubber, etc, etc.- "All under one roof" in the standard advertising language! This way, I end up buying at least 2 or 3 items every time. Thankfully, this has not upset my budget. Which is why, my husband of 28 years, has said nothing so far. So far so good.

At the sale,I always find a lot many customers like me- Women (middle aged and young), college going girls, etc., etc.- in the afternoons. In the evenings, a few men or boys do stray in even if with the sole aim of escorting. My college going son accompanied there me one day. I was delighted when he purchased a wall mirror without ridiculing me for my strange fancies.

It must have boosted my so far latent confidence. For, I recently ended up doing something which I would not have otherwise dared. At the Maharashtra Mandal Meeting, where we had to decide about gifts to be given along with " Sankranti Til Gul", I offered to take the secretary Mrs. Meenal Phadnis to the place. And so, Mrs. Phadnis (an elderly woman and wife of late Judge Mr. Phadnis ) together with her 'co sister-in -law' came with me to the sale. I know both the ladies for quite sometime now. They always buy branded stuff. And here I had brought them to a typically middle class place- in 'Maya Sarabhai's' language that is! The reality hit me hard when we stepped inside. It was by then quite late. And so with trembling legs, but outwardly a confident look, I led the way. I couldn't believe my ears, when I heard Mrs. Meenal Phadnis praising the door-mats! And in the next 5 minutes, I saw her picking a plastic square sieve (for washing vegetables or keeping plants) and heading straight to the counter. And before it all could sink into me, I found madam making payment for 80 such sieves. I really could not believe it. It was too good to be true. .

Back home I narrated it all to my hubby dear. To drive the point home, I took him last Sunday to my new found rendezvous. It didn't hurt when he turned up his nose to say the stuff is all "Rejected Maal''. My biggest victory was that he had accompanied me and had held one or two items in his hands even if for just a second or two.

Maybe that's what it was all about. For, in the last 3-4 days I have come home straight from the university. It was just a matter of being appreciated for my housekeeping skills, I guess! Further, it was nice when the ladies happily accepted the 'gift' and praised the committee for the choice. Somewhere, deep down, I felt strangely satisfied.