Visiting Married Daughter's Home For The First Time!

 She had come home to attend a family wedding. And now I was accompanying her back to Bangalore as her husband was away on an official tour to Turkey. This required me to stay put there for a fortnight.
I was busy rushing through various chores before rushing to the airport with her. And so there was not much thought in my mind. But it was not so with her I guess! Umpteen times she told me, "Mom, the house will be in a mess. I really didn't get time to clean it."

Each time I assured her that it was perfectly okay.
It was only after I boarded the flight with her that I began to get more and more curious and apprehensive. Mainly how was her home going to be? This was compounded by several delightful memories of the past years. There was a time when I had held her in my arms as an infant. At that time, it was not her home or my home! It was our home. Later, I would take her out, clean the house with her around, cook and what not. And all along, it was our house. Even if belonging to the middle class, we were a happy family always!
And now, I didn't know how it was going to be. After all, married to an IT husband she had gone into a higher class most undoubtedly.
After alighting from the cab, she took me up the stairs. I felt a strange sense of fear and nervousness as she opened the door of her apartment. The feeling vanished as soon as I stepped inside. A nice warm feeling ran  through me. The Bean Bags reminded me of the naval life we had once led. The flat was much like the hired houses we had lived in when my husband was in the navy. Oh yeah! My  daughter's home looked nice, warm and cozy. 

The fortnight passed by pretty fast. We talked and walked the streets of Bangalore. The tall trees as well as the lovely and healthy climate of Bangalore acted as a relaxing factor. The stray dogs and incidents of children getting bitten by them was as much a part of our conversation. And all along she was my same old daughter. The values had not changed. If at all she had changed, it was for the better. I found her more responsible now. Checking the refrigerator, cleaning the house and doing sundry jobs that invariably  fall in any married woman's lot!  Amidst all this, she had learnt to manage her freelance work too, which was creditable.

I have come back to Indore now, happy and relaxed. I gave my best to my daughter and I am glad that she has taken it all and proceeded further in life. In a way perhaps, she is a better and more refined version of me. Here, I give credit to my son-in-law too.

An Indian Marriage Preparation

Just the other day one of our family friends' remarked, "Of all events, Marriage is the biggest event." The occasion was my daughter's marriage a fortnight ago.

Any marriage preparation starts after a firm conclusion that the search for the right person is over. And me thinks that finding the right boy or a right girl is itself a Herculean task- Be it a Love Marriage or an Arranged one. It requires courage guys...real courage. And then there are other tasks that await you soon after. For example the appropriate date and month. But wait! The real challenge makes its appearance now- which is designing and wording the Invitation Card. Somehow no colour looks good enough and no word captures the true feelings. Well, God sure knows how to teach us all a lesson! And so here I was now muttering secret apologies to all whose cards I had criticized in the past. Proof Reading was yet another crazy affair. I had almost failed to notice the spelling error in one particular name. I shudder to think of the consequences. Making a list of invitees called for a sound memory and a never-ending patience. As that meant, all 4 in the family sitting together and writing down names. I am glad, we paid heed to the advice of not posting the cards too early to the local people, as they would forget the date. This way, the attendance was real good.

And yet there were trying moments. As a middle aged woman I could no longer sit down crossed-legs, so much required in traditional Maharashtrian marriages. And so with the help and assistance of my bride-to-be daughter (also a physiotherapist), I practiced and did exercises of sitting down daily. I think the show would have been better had I had started earlier. I thank my husband who made up for my flaws. Anyway, have a heart guys! I was not all a picture of gloominess. I had my nose pierced so as to wear the nose-ring given to me by my mother. I did wear it on the day of the marriage. The pain was nothing in comparison with the joy and happiness around.


Further, I happened to do a lot of shopping with my bride-to-be daughter before the wedding. I consulted our Guruji (one who conducts ceremonies) at every point so as not to make mistakes. But, Gosh! On the eve of the D-Day, I realized that I had forgotten where I had kept what! That's when, I left everything to God. And, thereafter and allowed Him and Guruji to take charge of all things.


Nevertheless, the tension remained. I will, in fact, advice all young parents to be judicious about money from the start and not wait for children to grow up. It so happened that the hotel people came up with a still better menu just a week before the marriage; thereby increasing the expenditure unexpectedly. That's marketing strategy for sure! And that's the new game I guess.

Eventually if everything went well, it was because of our Well-Wishers, Friends, Relatives, Neighbours and everyone around who joined in to make this biggest event of our lives a great success. Sure enough, without their support and good wishes it couldn't have been possible.

A Big Thank You to all.

How the poor deal with their loss.

It's very, very difficult. Kudos to all our governments past, present and future for not giving up despite all odds. To think of it, uncountable amount is spent each year on ads for promotion of literacy. But I wonder how many really listen to the good word?

Take my maid for instance. She has been with me for last 6-7 years. From the intermittent talks I have gathered that she has all the amenities at home like refrigerator, 2-wheeler, sofa- set, washing machine, TV, etc. In fact the house she lives in, is also hers. And I sure appreciate her for this. But none of her children have studied beyond 8th or 10th. Somehow she has never considered this important. I remember telling her to have her daughters trained or educated up to a decent level. But she and her husband have believed in getting them married early.

And so this daughter of hers got married about 4 yrs ago. In due course she was blessed with 2 kids. And so all was fine till last month when she came and told that her son-in-law had suffered a head injury in a road accident. He died within 3-4 days. It was just very, very bad. If that was not enough, the girl was asked to leave the husband's home by her in-laws. It was upsetting to hear this particularly because I had seen her in the bridal attire. But worst was when my maid announced that she was going to get her married again. That's when I blew my top. "Leave her alone. She has 2 small children and she also has the memories of her husband. Let her first come to terms with the tragedy. Help her stand on her feet. And then get her married if you want. But don't force her now. Please!"


I wonder if she understood. It was an outburst I could not control. On second thoughts, I wonder if I over reacted? May be the weaker section is geared up that way. Could be, that as a kind of defence mechanism they avoid getting deeply attached to anyone? In that case I made the blunder of speaking. God only knows!

Brilliant ! Show this performance always Girls.

The 12th class results are out ! And my heartiest congratulations to all the girls who have done brilliantly well in the board exams.



Indeed it is a victorious moment for the society, the social workers - both past and present, the families and most importantly the girls themselves. Indeed there was a time when girls were only expected to do household work. My Salute to Maharshi Karve, Raja Rammohan Roy, Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar, Swami Vivekanand, Swami Dayanand Saraswati, and all the great social reformers.



The world suddenly seems to be at the feet of these girls. Doors to all careers appear wide open. It's truly a beautiful moment. If only this moment would not pass by! But, try as much there is a sinking feeling that is threatening to destroy my optimism and happiness. My experience of life tells me that now, these girls need to be more observant, decisive and careful. Remember, One swallow does not make a summer. So continued hard work is important. I realise that all these girls must be now 17-18 years. Which means, there is going to be a pressure of marriage after 3-4 years. Well, marriage is a good institution in itself. Provided one gets married to the right person. For, I strongly believe that nothing can be better than a good marriage. And nothing can be worse than a bad marriage.



And so, it would be better to first decide one's aim in a sensible way. By sensible way, I mean, being practical and level headed. Thus, once the career and aim is clear, it would also be possible to choose the right partner. It has to be remembered that once a person is in the right direction, all things fall in right place.



It would certainly be a 'harakiri' to come in merit at one time and then allow every Tom Dick and Harry to take decisions for oneself . This would mean taking a nosedive in life as well as career. It certainly does not help to play down in life- certainly not all one's life. Which means the life-partner has to be of the same wavelength as onself.



So girls, now is the time to sit and understand where you stand and where you want to go.

Julie and Fiza

The first time Chand -Fiza case hit the headlines, I found some disturbing similarities between Julie and Fiza. Both the girls are extremely good looking. But, while Julie is a natural beauty, Fiza's looks are cultivated. Though of course, I must admit that she has good features.

But whenever I think of Julie, a strange sadness descends on me. A beautiful girl from Bihar who allowed herself to be ruined by Prof. Matuknath, a man fit enough to be her father! Even otherwise, a teacher-student relationship is supposed to be as sublime as a parent-child relationship? In the case of Fiza, I don't feel sorry. I am only filled with disdain.

I agree that both the girls are responsible for causing terrible hurt to the legal wives, which I wonder if God will ever forgive. Of course, I hear now that Chander Mohan alias Chand Mohammed has gone back to his wife and that the Punjab Police have closed the case.

Really, as somebody much older than Julie and much more educated or literate than Julie, ( Assistant Advocate General for Punjab and Haryana Govt. at that!), Fiza should not have fallen into this trap. But then, it is said that love is deaf, dumb and blind! That explains it all I guess. So, here we have two women who have finally gained nothing but bad name. Julie may not agree still, but will surely accept it someday.

The biggest irony is that the two women have got into a mess because of their strong rhetoric.Normally it is people with poor communication skills who suffer at the hands of the world! And indeed, both Julie and Fiza had come up with strange justification when the matter came into the limelight. I remember, the social workers who were trying to drill sense into Julie's head had finally given up. Fiza being much older, advising her was out of question I suppose.

Anyway, the moral of the story is,"too less talking and too much talking are both harmful and dangerous."